My Work
Condemn me not for who I was, but for who I will be.
These are put on this page in the order I add them, not arranged by the classifications in the index though I have provided that to help you sort out what I wrote when...updated 5/22/06
"Love is..."
Love is tender,
Love is sweet,
Love is something not so neat.
It hurts and frustrates the strongest of hearts,
But in the end it's very smart.
Love leads to happiness
And joy undefined;
If only I could make it mine!
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"Same Nature"
Man and beast,
They all shall feast
Among the wintered thorns.
A cradled child,
Young born wild
Are all the same indeed-
For when it comes within their homes
The time at which they feed;
Every single one of them
Impowers themselves with greed.
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"Translation"
A moment in time
Brings forth a rhyme
Upon my haunted lips.
If only I could
Translate it forth
Into intelligible bits.
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"Who Wanders Through"
Who wanders through my ancient home,
What demons lurk and frighten bones,
Which light beyond shines on our path,
No answers given only questions asked.
Who wanders through my ancient home,
Defiling life and aged stone,
Gaining pleasure from shameful ways,
Making shadows dance on my grave.
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"Responsible"
No doctor
Or science
Nor religious feat,
Can save the men
Whose lives we reap.
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"What I Need"
"Love me!"
She pleaded
"It's all that I want!"
But what she forgot
Was the honesty needed
When love is bought.
"Need me!"
She begged
"It's what I want!"
Without remembering
The lessons taught
By the sting of lies
Told to tide her over.
"Want me!"
She screamed
"It's what I need!"
Forgetting that in herself
Is all she ever needs
To survive.
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"My Knight"
His armor is dusty,
Rusty from the rain
He rode threw a dozen times
To comfort me,
Dented from the legions he fought
To be with me,
It is piled at my feet
A memorial to our trials and tribulations,
My knight never returned from his battle
To reclaim it.
What do I do with it?
Cry over it,
Wonder what could've been,
Deny I ever loved him
To save myself the pain,
Forgetting him would break my heart,
Loving him, holding him, seeing him
Would've been my choice,
But my knight left to fight his battle,
Left me in the dust, staring at his armor,
Watching it rust.
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"I Long For the Darkness to Return"
The sound of him in the morning
Stirs my senses, makes me aware
At times when I often choose sleep.
The shiver that starts in my back
Works its way down my arms and legs
My toes tingle, my mind soars,
His presence all around me
Despite being a distance away.
Only in my mind, but so real
A premonition perhaps of what should be.
I open my eyes to the sun,
Teasing me away from him,
I long for the darkness to return
To bring back its dreams
Where him and I are one.
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"Rising"
Possessed by a strength
Few understand
The phoenix's beauty
Lights up the land,
Burnt into cinders
Its heart remolds
To rise from the ashes
As truths now are told.
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"Redemption"
In my eyes you have nothing to explain,
Curse the past for pulling you away,
You can't be blamed
For being dishonest with yourself,
You weren't ready for what we wanted
No matter how strongly we felt.
But have no fear,
I did not die,
I stand here loving you
As I did the whole time,
It will be easy to redeem it all
With a few simple words.
"What do you want?"
Is the real question though
That only time,
And you,
Can answer.
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"A Good Reason"
Lonliness has many discernible forms,
Emptiness is one symptom
Of that avarice disease,
Succumbing to the darkness
Of the universal black hole
Leaves a soul in need
For a stronger dose of
The already evasive cure.
How do you fill
A space that can't be seen,
How do you give up
What's comfortably painful.
A person may be an empty place
But maybe for a good reason.
Seclusion gives the illusion
Of antisocial grace,
Locked in a cage
By invisible bars
Seemingly chosen as a hiding place
Away from the inferior world
While superiority is the farthest
From the mind.
How do you reverse
The rejection you feel
From the world around you,
It's comfortably painful.
A person may live without social grace
But maybe for a good reason.
Fear has the veracity
To last from day to day,
Compounding its intensity
With blinding speed,
Leaving the senses
Overwhelmed and helpless
Futilely fighting to gain
Power over its strength.
How do you defeat
Something needed to survive,
How do you give up
What's painfully comfortable.
A person may be lost inside
But maybe for a good reason.
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untitled
Nature's calling to be free is appealing,
Unanswered now for so long it shreds at sanity
Leaving the taste of boredom in the mouth
Making memories forgotten,
Sitting at work dreams of another life abound,
Day to day monotony eating away at life's pleasures,
Wishing and hoping for something more
Like what this once was,
More than before, less than later, never happy.
Yet human nature still promises it all,
To do only what is wanted, nothing ever needed,
Whatever it takes to get out of bed in the morning
And deal with reality,
The only thing left when you answer
Nature's calling.
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"On My Mind"
He's been on my mind,
I can't stop thinking about him,
I dream of him,
I hear his voice,
I feel his touch,
The day is spent in anxious
Anticipation of a moment so far away,
The night is spent in glorious
Gratification as our voices melt away.
It's been on my mind,
I smell our sex,
I hear our moans,
I feel his touch,
I can't stop plotting each embrace,
The day is spent pushing others
From my mind to make room for his
Fantasy becoming flesh in the night
On my mind
Is a lifetime of desire,
On my mind
Are needs so dire
They exist outside
Of all I have known.
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Oh, what he has done to me,
Turned me inside out
Made my brain numb
And my body tremble.
How could I have let this happen,
It was supposed to be simple,
Easy, casual, fun,
A learning experience,
But now he is in my soul,
A part of me,
My perfunctory life no longer mine.
The control I had is gone
Yet I am more whole than ever before.
Oh, what he has done to me,
Haunts my days
Drives my desires
Burns in my dreams.
I long for more
While trying so daringly
To convince myself
That I can survive without it.
He is my drug and these withdrawals feel like
A thousand torments upon my soul.
Shakespeare would be proud
As I suffer the slings and arrows
Of this outrageous fortune.
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"For A Moment"
The world stops spinning
When I look at him,
When I see that laughter in his eyes
And the smile on his lips,
The inability to grasp his words
As my mind reels
With the hope of a momentary embrace
By his comforting arms,
The moment when all I want
Is the warmth of his skin
Against my lips.
Slowly the world begins its rotation again
Gradually picking up pace
Until it's going too quickly
And words are jumbled
The moment's lost and
Then nothing.
A dream has more clarity than
The experience could yield.
What we said inconsequential to the events of life.
For a brief moment
The world was forgotten
And the forward momentum prevented,
For a moment
All else was dead and
I was truly alive.
Only for a moment.
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"Don't Follow Me"
I spend my time chasing dreams
Alluding sense and time,
I run from demons, shadow lurking
Playing games with my mind,
Pushing forward away from them
My path is unclear and unknown.
Don't follow in my hapless footsteps
For I know not where I go.
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"a heart's plea"
please be kind
this is something not from our minds
together in love
bound by soul
it's just something that we know
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"Hypothetical Wisdom"
It's all relative-
A more experienced person to me
May be an amateur to you,
Life's adventures accumulate
And are only special to the one who owns them.
I've done some pretty amazing things,
You may not think so, but I found them exciting;
I like the life I've had so far
And I'm looking forward to the wisdom
I've yet to gain.
Your life is boring compared to mine-
I have ideas filling my time.
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"Longing"
Waiting for their senses to kick in,
I feel for friends
Who have no heart of their own,
My emotions are discarded
Onto a pile larger than imagination,
I long for a difference
In this situation,
Wanting life to declare
A new goal.
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"Nightmare"
Darkness and pain.
Mind flooded with tears,
Degradation,
Embraced with fear.
Cuddled against lonliness-
The only friend left.
Echoing screams
Falling on deaf ears.
Manifestations
Both asleep and aware,
An altered state
Of sweat and mirrors.
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There’s a subtle substitution
Which can be made
For the pain and suffering
Brought by the day
The night could be as hopeless
There could be constant despair
You could be unworthy
For even this prayer.
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"As Time Passes"
We can only imagine
The days of our past,
The hours of words,
Moments of comfort,
Understanding foolish dreams,
Seeing in each other
A semblance of ourselves.
But now
The future leads us
On separate paths,
Each to our own
Eventual success.
As we age
The days grow shorter
No time for memories,
Or stories that need told.
But as certain as
This revelation is,
When the end comes
We’ll still be friends.
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"Paradise Lost"
Listening to ‘I’m sorry mama’
While being told he’s full of hate,
Something here is wrong, simply with the debate,
He like many others making up their own minds
Being judged by disagreement with those who’re right.
Administration talking out of both sides of its mouth
When its left hand doesn’t even know when the right stutters out,
Invading for weapons, defending ourselves
No, for the people, freedom for everyone else,
Destroy and rebuild, an endless cycle of destruction
Of buildings and culture, people’s lives and religion.
Red, yellow, orange warning us to be careful
Trust isn’t possible just look what we may be missing,
Ideas and democracy, becoming lies,
Philosophy lost in the hate of lifestyle, gender, and racial ties.
Fist fights over sports scores, riots over schools
More worry over teams than what our kids really learn,
Their education is coming from Em’s latest CD
Taking a look at a past that noone wants them to see,
With how we’ve grown up we should be
In the middle and well-rounded
Maybe the next generation, after their first child,
Will be mature and see past this at the ripe age of twenty,
A third failed marriage by thirty should show them the way
If the drugs and guns haven’t taken them away.
Listening to the rage being spoken
About people who are wrong
Makes me wonder if it should be spoken at all.
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"to give, to love, to live"
Love fully
Or love not,
To give only a portion
And feel withheld
Repression
Killeth
The spirit within,
I have lived that
And died from it
But no more.
He who is worthy
Shall see
All there is of me
And decide
For himself
What will be.
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"Thanks"
I thank
You
For being who you are,
My friend,
My confidante,
All that is good For me.
I thank
God
The universe,
All that is created,
For showing me each day
The bright side of what is.
I thank
The good days
For interrupting
The string of bad ones
That seem to lurk
Every which way I look.
I thank
Myself,
For being strong
And holding on
Through all the times
I almost broke.
Without you my friend
I would not have seen
What good
The universe has given me,
Nor how beautiful
Our presence makes it.
Thanks again.
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"To Care"
My heart sings out to one called friend,
I see his trials as mine to mend.
I hear in his voice his broken heart,
I must keep composed as my tears start.
His spirit will rise and remain whole,
My faith in him exceeds all else told,
But to know he's in pain and feeling lost
Makes me want to help at any cost,
To hug and kiss away all that ails,
Where saying words over and over fails.
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"Under the Dogwood Tree"
Laying under the dogwood tree
White petals float gently down
Resting in her auburn hair
Glinting in spots of sun,
The shade warm, the air thick
No sweat disturbs her pale smooth skin,
Her eyes are a perfect green
As immortal and lost as the day
When she was buried
Where noone can see
Under the dogwood tree.
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Circling my shadow, the crows heed no pleas
Dispelling their warnings in caws and screams.
Emotions are colors before my eyes
All else is nothing as before me kingdoms fall,
Heights are reached and graves dug,
The lows taking all that we are as their own.
Time is an enemy to my endeavors
Keeping all I will know and be a mystery,
I can not be bought by life's crimson sorrows,
Never swallowing the pride of my prejudice,
But I can be calmed by love's purple passions
That drown out the pessimism of the crows.
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You Saved Me
I was once a different person,
Growing from there
I finally became someone I knew.
Then something happened,
I was lost in my own skin
Trying to claw my way out.
I thought it was who I had become,
But now I'm smiling again
And I have you to thank for that.
One day I smiled
And thought to myself,
"How does he see into my head
Where even I can't tread?"
You opened the doors in my mind
I had been holding shut,
You brought me back,
You saved me from myself.
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What part of my simplicity
Do they not see,
My eyes barren,
My spirit clean.
Ambitions of innocence,
No agenda or ploys,
Hope for betterment
Of understanding
Of joy,
But without these experiences
I'll be nothing but a toy.
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"Little Girl Lost"
Sometimes I feel like
All around me is dark,
My hands reaching out,
Tentatively,
Afraid of the snakes and sharks,
Drowning in the murkiness
Hiding inside
My sanity slipping a notch at a time.
In those moments
Who I've become is gone,
I regress to my childhood
And the fear I grew on,
Curling up in the corner
I cry and I wait
For the darkness around me
To give up and abate.
How can a girl
So afraid and alone,
Make her way through the dark
To find her way home?
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"Sacrifice"
I'll give you words,
I'll give you smiles,
I'll hold your hand
Even if for only awhile.
I'll give you love,
I'll give you peace,
But above all my friend
I give you me.
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"People are Disappointing"
Emotions define our personal universes,
What we perceive and how we relate
To others are clouded by these.
I have known many people
Of different personalities and strengths,
Looking back on the masses I have cared for
Their weaknesses are absent.
I miss my friends – those I thought cared as I do,
They wandered away ignoring my inquiries,
Some came back for help or assurances
Because I have been constant and present,
Then I turn to them and find them gone again.
I silently wait to hear gratitude for my patient loyalty,
But I am just kidding myself,
They will never say those words,
How they have missed me
And should have kept in touch.
Because they will never see me
As I see them.
Emotions define our personal universes,
What we perceive and how we relate
To others are clouded by these.
I meet many people
Of different personalities and strengths,
I develop a connection, a concern for their well-being,
Wanting to be friends.
They seem to appreciate the conversation
Then wander away when it is no longer about them,
Everyone with their own agenda, their own wants and needs
Unaware of those they come into contact with,
Don’t seem surprised that I care so much about something so casual.
Because they will never see me
As I see them -
Lives that have touched me,
Ideas that I would never have known
If I had never met them,
We each leave a bit of ourselves with those we meet.
But noone realizes that, that void disappoints me.
-Alicia Mae